Four Year Anniversary

Anniversary

February,15th 2014

 

I've been married for four years now, I know that's crazy.  It's weird for me to think about.  Jeromy and I have been together for 9 years.  In those years we have welcomed three amazing little boys and will be adding our very first girl to the brood here in April.  Time has flown and life has been good to us.

 

Getting married in February 2010 was a fast decision.  While I am glad I did, I regret not being more inclusive about it to family.  For that I am sorry.  I look back now and I don't really know what I as thinking.  Regardless here I am now and all I can do I hope everyone is as happy as I am. 

 

The day we were planning on getting married was actually February 13th and I was all dressed up and looking pretty.  Then Jeromy asked if we could get married on the way back home from California...ugh okay...butthead.  He wanted to see a hockey game in LA that was 6:00pm.  It was already 2:00 in Vegas and I wasn't sure we would make it but I agreed to it.  Six hours later we had missed the game and now we were driving around Hollywood with nothing to do. 

The next day was Valentines and we spent the day at Santa Monica Pier swimming and playing at Pacific Park.  Brae loved the ocean and I was glad he could experience it.  It was about 75 degrees and sunny.  Yet we were the only people in the water ha ha. 

February 15th we decided to head back to Vegas but first we stopped in Long beach to let Brae play in the water again.  I decided to swim as well so I laid down on the beach.  A huge wave decided to bombard me and sand nicely distributed it's self in my hair.  All the way to the roots.  I used a beach shower but the sand was still implanted in my hair.  We left long beach and drove for what seemed like forever.  Brae was 18 months old at the time and did extremely well in the car for long periods of time.  We arrived in Vegas at 6:00pm and couldn't find a chapel we wanted to go to. Finally we found one and proceeded to go along with the ceremony.  I got ready in a bathroom right next to a Mexican restaurant.  The sand in my hair was relentless and so it joined me and saying "I do".  I tried brushing it out but to no avail. 

 

Jeromy lost his nice pants but luckily had the nice shirt.  He wore shorts and and his button up shirt.  I had bought a dress but I had a sunburn and looked like a tomato in the face. Brae was the only one who was well put together.  He looked amazingly adorable :)

After the ceremony we went to McDonald's....yes Brae needed to run around so we went to McD. Then we went to the biggest gift shop they have in Vegas and bought me a shirt that said Vegas Bride 2010. 

 

                                                                 Valentines day 2010

                                                                Daddy and Brae at the pier

                                                            Brae's name in the sand 2-14-10

Brae at the wedding

                                                                    Our wedding

Babies

Pregnancy

I've had four of them and they have all had their ups and downs.  When someone tells you every pregnancy is different, they aren't lying! I am here to be another one of those moms who will tell you that EVERY pregnancy is different. The reason is simple, your children are all different.  You can't expect every baby to grow the same in your womb. Sure you're the same person but for 9 months you share space with another human being. 

Brae-Avery- My first son was a surprise, a good one.  I didn't find out until I was well into my second trimester.  24 weeks to be exact.  This little guy didn't pop out of my womb until around that time.   Although I had obvious symptoms I had just never been pregnant before.  He was a mover- A NIGHT MOVER! this little guy was always doing some sort of flip in my belly even when he started to get bigger.  He would always respond to my voice and answer a question with one or two kicks depending on the answer. One kick for yes two for no.  Weird right? No, it's not.  I won't let anyone tell me my baby couldn't communicate with me in the womb effectively because it's simply not true.  I craved limes squeezed into ice water with salt on the rim.  My back didn't hurt at all. I was a week late with him and my labor lasted a total of 26 hours, non active and active labor. All around I was comfortable the entire time, except the heartburn.  

Phoenix- My next son was a different story.  Due in April of 2011.  I was uncomfortably pregnant throughout winter.  My back was in constant pain from my sciatic nerve and this little stinker only moved when I would prod my stomach with my fingers.  I was always laying down watching TV and eating massive amounts of pretzels along with a huge glass of ice water. I slept on the floor the majority of my last months.  It was comfortable, yes weird haha.   He also had a habit of sticking a foot out for long periods of time.  You could literally tell it was his foot and he would just hold it in the same position for hours.  My heartburn literally kept me awake and woke me up for hours. I was in labor for around 11 hours.  Let's just say I was glad to have him out. He weighed 8 lbs!!!!!!!! No wonder my back hurt 

Valiant- This little peanut moved at all hours of the day.  My back wouldn't act up unless I had been doing something strenuous.  I had little heartburn. I ate mangoes and The Soup Kitchen like crazy.  Brownies were my weakness during this pregnancy.  Up until he was born he was small enough he had room to keep moving however he wanted in my stomach.  I found out with him fairly early- around 10 weeks.  I didn't show until I was about 20 weeks. His labor was around 10 hours and was the worst pain I've ever felt.  You all know the details and as to why so I wont go into it here. Emergency C-section was preformed and I heard his cry at 3:16 am.  I knew he was coming though. The day before he had stopped moving in his regular patterns and was less active.  I knew it was the day for sure.  Call It mommy instincts :)   

Baby E- Due on the same day as her brother Phoenix April 19th 2014.  I found out at 8 weeks in September.  I STARTED SHOWING AT 13 WEEKS! Never before had I shown that early.  I knew I was carrying a girl.  It felt different. I felt her move around 16 weeks and I started to get Braxton hicks around 18 weeks.  It was crazy, and it all moved very fast.  The feeling of this pregnancy was all different and I knew I had a little girl in there.  Of course I've had three boys and I wasn't going into the ultrasound with high expectations.  Then boom! ITS A GIRL.  I had  dream of a little girl in July right after my birthday.  Then there she was in my womb growing and healthy.  So here we are at 30 weeks.  My back has been killing me.  I have had continuous heartburn and I wake up every other hour. Luckily I have a heating pad and a husband with back problems so he knows where to massage.  Not lucky he has back problems, lucky he knows how to help me. This little girl is active all the time and will make huge movements.  Its so amazing to watch, I could sit there for hours watching her move. She is currently moving up a storm as I type :)

       In conclusion

Every baby is different and will affect your mind and body in different ways.  Instead of complaining embrace it.  You are carrying another life within yours. Its a beautiful thing.  You may be uncomfortable or in pain but all that leads to a sweet baby who in his/her eyes you are the most important person in their life. 

Birth Story

Women are made to have babies 

It is our physical anatomy to labor and deliver 

So why are we interfering in nature's affairs?

I recently watched a documentary called "The business of being born:

It was amazing 

Informative!

1 in 3 women in america give birth via C-Section 

I am one of these women but I wasn't always 

July, 10th 2008 

My water broke at 8:30 am and I was in inactive labor at 1cm for 12 hours.  10:30 pm I was admitted to the hospital and I was determined to give birth using hypno-birthing techniques.  I was given pitocin which all you mothers know makes contractions 1,000 times harder.  I labored for 6 hours with pitocin and no pain medication which even the nurse said was impressive since most women get pitocin and get the epidural right after. I was determined to let nature run it's course even with the Pitocin.  2:30 am July 11th 2008 I was at 6 cm and was in "discomfort" I say that because this is what I learned to call pain in Hypno-birthing.  I hadn't slept and was exhausted.  Much to my dismay my mother and I decided I needed an epidural to sleep.  I got the epidural and slept for about 4 hours. around 8:30 am my midwife came in to assess my progress.  I was at 8 cm and I had stopped pushing my epidural button around 6:30 so the medicine had pretty much worn off.  I wanted to experience the feeling of delivery.  10:00 am came and I was 10cm and ready to push.  My midwife prepared everything needed and it was time to meet my baby :) I could feel everything and the contractions at that point were not painful they felt great it felt kind of like being tickled but a good tickle(haha i'm a dork-get over it) It took me until 11:40am and my midwife said "One more push baby's head is right here" I pushed one more time and there it was, that feeling of accomplishment, pure bliss, a transition to motherhood.  Then there he was, my strawberry blonde bundle of joy.  His eyes opened and I saw into his soul.  That perfect little baby in my midwife's arms.  

April 4th 2011 

2:40 pm "You are 2 weeks from your due date and your amniotic fluid is below 5" for those who don't know amniotic fluid below 5 is not good.  I am 37 weeks pregnant with my second son Phoenix.  I was admitted to be induced at 8:00 pm.  This was a hospital that didn't really put my wants first, I was not their main concern.  They just wanted me in and out of there.  I was given cervadil, which is a drug used to soften the cervix before given pitocin.  Reluctantly I took it because I was given the medical ultimatum of "your baby is in danger" any mom will listen to that statement and not give it an ounce of thought.  April 5th I was given pitocin at 8:30 am and I labored on a birth ball up until 5:30pm.  This was longer than I had with Brae-Avery . I was at that point where I wanted an epidural, at 6 pm the anesthesiologist came in and proceeded to give me the epidural.  It was probably a mistake because it hurt worse than labor, he was not good at his job.  He had tp pull out the needle and start all over.  It was more painful than labor.  9 pm rolled around and the same midwife who delivered Brae was coincidentally at a different hospital and was the midwife on call.  It was time to push and as I had done before with Brae.  I did not push my epidural medicine button for the last hour and a half of labor because I wanted to feel the natural process.  The nurses kept telling me to push that button, one even tried to push it without me knowing! 10:38 pm I gave birth to a brown haired, brown eyed boy named Phoenix :) Then again I felt that accomplishment, and bliss of giving life and nurturing him from within my body.  I insisted on skin to skin contact and the nurse's were constantly bugging me to give him to them to take to the nursery.  I declined to their dismay haha! they were not amused but I was.  This is my baby leave me alone...

This is an example of a birth not controlled by the mother.  This was my worst birth experience because they made me feel weak like I needed help birthing when that's what I'm wired to do.  "Interventions" are not always  needed.  

Fact: 

Babies born via C-section are periodically born between the hours of 4pm and 10pm 

Fact: 

Those doctors just wanted to get home see the hours listed above? 

Ludacris! 

August 29th 2012

My baby is breech and I am in labor! I am determined to give birth vaginally, I have never even considered a c-section.  I actually feared a c-section.  Which is the way it should be! I'll get to that later but in a nutshell I had done everything possible to deliver him the natural way but he was coming and I was in more pain than I had ever been in my life.. the doctor informed me a baby in a transverse position is way more painful going into labor than it is when a baby is in the head down position.  I have explained this story in another blog so I won't detail.  I felt cheated, I wanted that feeling I had experienced before.  

The point of this blog is that America has a higher birth rate by c-section than anywhere in the world!

We even have lower infant mortality than some third world countries!

Wake up America!

We have been taught to fear birth!

Something we naturally know how to do

More women are opting for elective c-sections because they are afraid of childbirth

It disgusts me... honestly

C-sections are not for your comfort or your "designer birth"

They are a major medical procedure 

and they hurt!

Recovery from natural birth is so much easier

Recovery from c-section is awful

C-section delivery is a procedure left for an emergency!

not for your comfort

Now you might be thinking I'm a hypocrite 

My c-section was an emergency c-section

My baby needed to come out 

For my sake and his 

Those are the circumstances that apply to c-section 

The well being of the mother or baby 

Life and death

Children of a new generation

  My Cousin has inspired me to explain my children's somewhat unconventional names.

My older cousin just had a baby and named her Listen.  I love it and the reason she named her Listen is truly amazing :)  I have reasons for naming my three boys the way I did but I have never really explained it and some people ask me "what kinda name is that he'll get nowhere in life with a name like that" yes believe it or not this has been said to me.  I have been asked why I didn't name them something simple like John or Daniel.  I have also been asked why I gave my son's all my last name instead of my husbands. 

Colvin last name not Burnham:  My husbands family are really malevolent people.  I'm not saying this because they're my in-laws I'm saying this because the really are the most unsympathetic and uncaring people I have ever met.  With the exception of Jeromy's grandmother who is the complete opposite of her family.  I won't go into a huge detail of it but Jeromy's wish was to make sure our son's had no connection to a name that really had no understanding of the word family.  So there is the explanation for the last name.    

 Brae-Avery James Colvin: 

I was a 16 at the time I gave birth to my son who is now almost five.  I was nervous of what kind of life he might have knowing that he would be born to a mother and father who were just kids ourselves.  One night when I was about 7 months pregnant I had found the name Avery in a name book my mom had on the self. I instantly fell in love and then Jeromy came to me with the name Brae.  I wasn't sold on it but then my mom asked me to take a paper and write with my left hand and focus on the little baby boy growing in my belly.  Very slowly I wrote out the word "Bravery" I looked at the word and realized you can run Brae and avery together to create "bravery" but not only did it sound and look amazing.  It also embodied my connection to my younger self.  In all honesty I was afraid of losing my childhood and that's why I was empowered by the words on the paper.  Every time I would speak my son's name it would give me the Bravery to keep on trying, the courage to be everything he needed. James is a family name, it sounded so elegant along with Brae-Avery.  

Phoenix Eastin's Colvin:

At the time I gave birth to Phoenix I was married and 19 years old.  The bird Phoenix is a sign of rebirth and so many other things, but that's what it symbolized to me a new beginning in my life.  Having two children was tricky and it made me a better mother.  Learning to juggle your time makes you appreciate the time you have with each child.  In the process you learn more about them as well.  Or at least that's my experience.  Eastin is kinda silly, Jeromy loves hockey and all his equipment when he was little.  We just changed to Easton to Eastin.  Plus it sounds nice :)

Valiant River Colvin: 

At the time I was pregnant with Valiant my husband Jeromy was pushing the name on me.  I wasn't really sold on it.  I was about 6 months pregnant when I had a dream about my son with dark brown hair and was very handsome. He was a full grown man but something about his aura was just so amazing it took me back he was just so Vailant, like a prince.  When he was born lo and behold he had a birthmark in the shape of a V on his forehead.   I struggled with a middle name for months but I finally settled on river.  I tried other names but every "normal" name sound like I was implying they were Valiant example "Valiant Daniel" haha so weird. River sounded calming, and it sort of touched my native american roots :) 

Those are my son's names and they fit them beautifully I wouldn't ever change them and I do not regret the decision to name them the way I did.    

Disguised bliss

I have failed to blog in a while 

I have an excuse 

actually I have 3 :)

Their names are Brae, Phoenix and Valiant 

and 

They are my world 

I am in a sentimental mood...

I love my boys 

In a way I feel my boys have saved me 

Regardless of my age when I gave birth to my first born 

He gave me purpose

A reason to keep on keeping 

A reason to believe in myself 

A will to fight for whatever he needed

It doesn't matter that I haven't gone to college yet

I will go when my youngest is old enough 

But 

For now I am a mother and I love it 

Wouldn't change my life for anything 

In 2007 

I planned on attending SUU and completing a bachelors in Fine arts

Department of Theatre Arts and Dance

that was my plan

and 

then brae changed my plan in 2008.  

I have since modified my plan 

 I can live vicariously through my son 

Brae

He loves musicals :)

It's pretty much awesome 

and for now that's all I need 

to live my life for my sons 

until they are old enough to start living it them selves

I'm young enough I am not worried 

I will teach dance someday 

or be a high school drama teacher 

or grace the stage once more 

but for now 

I am content gracing my living room with the occasional event of breaking out in song :) 

My Opinion on Election 2012

I am not a very Political person 

But 

I have some things to get off my chest 

I am for Mr. President Obama 

No questions asked 

If Mitt Romney wins 

I am literally scared of what will happen

Not only for my own personal life but that of 

Hundreds AND Hundreds 

of Women.  

If Planned Parenthood has funds taken from them 

Less people will have access to Birth control 

and yes America we will see another rise in Teen Pregnancy 

I am not for Abortion 

BUT 

it does exist and has since ancient times. 

If it is made illegal then we will also see a rise in unsafe abortion practice 

Or

Women who do not want a baby, carry it to term and end up killing it anyway

Yes world this happens all the time!!

I read an article the other day about a 27 year old woman who put her baby in the washing machine!

And 

Two weeks ago a 14 year old strangled her newborn baby! 

All because they didn't want a baby

I also know many LGBT people 

and quiet frankly they are human 

So they needed to be treated as such

Plain and simple 

It's pretty much like segregation in the 50's and 60's 

Seriously???

It's sickening we choose to be this way

and it's sad 

Many of those people I know are family 

....

Those are the biggest problems I have with Romney 

So my vote will be for President Obama 

Plain and Simple 

Not to mention Mitt Romney is RICH 

Like beyond Rich 

Is that the American Majority?

I don't think so....

Teen Mother

"Teen Motherhood"

I was just on the cusp of turning 17 when I gave birth to my first son Brae.  

I was admittedly scared to care for another life but in all retrospect I was completely ready for it.  

Nervous might be a better word :)

Despite those feelings my natural maternal instincts were already telling me I was ready. 

Yes, 16 is young but I had never really felt 16 to be honest.  High school kids my age were in word "egotistical" everything in High school revolved around what big hunky football player liked which cheerleader and the same scenario in different cliques with different people.  I much rather the sound of my baby boy :) 

I have been a mother for four years now and have added two more sweet boys into my family.  The point of this blog is essentially to share my trials of teenage motherhood.  

I had no problem giving up football games for diapers.  I know weird huh? 

I loved my baby boy

I fed him 

Bathed him 

Sung to him 

Cradled him 

laughed with him 

Played with him 

and 

most of all loved him unconditionally 

People would stare at me

No not stare 

Glare!

It made me feel low 

and 

I'm not sure why 

Because I was sure I was the best mother I could be 

Why couldn't they see that?

Because I was 17 and a mother 

One time in a supermarket when Brae was 4 months old I was looking for hair dye for the school musical I was going to be in.  The character required black hair 

I was with my best friend talking about how excited I was I finally got a lead role in the fall musical.  

She asked me "Is this your baby?"

I said yes and I said he was 4 months old.  

She gave me disgusted stare and walked off scoffing "ugh babies having babies what is this world coming too".  

I was hurt and couldn't figure out why she had acted in such an awful manner.  Because I am sure that as I was replying to her question I had admiration for my baby written all over my face.  I recall kind of cooing the response to this question.  

So why was she mean when it was apparent I had loved this little boy with every fiber of my being? 

Simple 

JUDGEMENT 

and it saddened me that someone could be this way when all I held dear to me was my little boy. 

Since that day I have put a veil over Judgement of any sort 

I am not Judgemental and people who Judge me I simply do not see or hear.  

I am a teen mother and although it's not the smartest thing it's my life and I am proud of the way I have raised my son. 

I wouldn't trade my sons for anything 

No matter my age at their times of birth 

I love them 

and will protect them until the end of time 

in body and spirit.